Alkene ozonolysis is a major source of hydroxyl radical (·OH), the most important oxidant in the troposphere. Previous experimental and computational work suggests that for many alkenes the measured ·OH yields should be attributed to the combined impact of both chemically activated and thermalized syn-alkyl Criegee intermediates (CIs), even though the thermalized CI should be susceptible to trapping by molecules such as water. We have used RRKM/master equation and variational transition state theory calculations to quantify the competition between unimolecular isomerization and bimolecular hydration reactions for the syn and anti acetaldehyde oxide formed in trans-2-butene ozonolysis and for the CIs formed in isoprene ozonolysis possessing syn-methyl groups. Statistical rate theory calculations were based on quantum chemical data provided by the B3LYP, QCISD, and multicoefficient G3 methods, and thermal rate constants were corrected for tunneling effects using the Eckart method. At tropospheric temperatures and pressures, all thermalized CIs with syn-methyl groups are predicted to undergo 1,4-hydrogen shifts from 2 to 8 orders of magnitude faster than they react with water monomer at its saturation number density. For thermalized anti acetaldehyde oxide, the rates of dioxirane formation and hydration should be comparable.